A CUSTOMER CAME INTO THE STORE WITH THIS BEAUTY TODAY AND I SQUEALED A LOT
i think that once you have reached a certain low in yourself, you start to appreciate the beauty of confidence in others
i can’t look at myself in the mirror without crying. i’m so down i don’t even have the motivation to put sheets on my bed. this sounds pathetic but it feels like everything i once felt good about towards myself has been stripped away from me. all i see is this horrible acne dominating my face. it covers my cheeks and my chin and it hurts. it really hurts, whenever i laugh or open my mouth to take a bite of feed it hurt. i feel ashamed when i go out in public. i feel stupid when i put on a dress. i feel like i look like an ugly troll trying wear a dress but in reality it just looks like a horrible joke. all of the confidence i once had in myself has left. i don’t even have the ability to go over to my boyfriends house right now because i’m too scared of him seeing the new pimples that appeared on my face last night. i’m afraid he won’t want to kiss me. i’m so ashamed. why did this have to happen to my face.
about a month ago i changed birth control pills to help regulate my period and the new pill has caused my face to break out into a severe cystic acne. over the past few weeks i’ve shoveled out over 200 dollars of my own savings into over the counter treatments and nothing has worked. i never knew what is was like to wake up every morning and not want to even look at yourself until a month ago. up until then, i of course had my fair share of breakouts but nothing like this. i use to go out all the time, with or without makeup. i use to not think twice about running to the store for some groceries in my sweats without makeup. i use to actually enjoy putting makeup on. having this acne on my face has altered my life and made me feel like a completely different person. i hate going out now. i hate putting on makeup because it feels like i’m caking over the craters of the moon. i can’t stop crying as i write this because i know that after i finish it i’m going to be reminded once again about how truly disgusting i feel. i’m always looking in the mirror whether its on my phone or in the bathroom, i can’t stop looking at my face. i can’t stop thinking about it. it’s all i see and it’s consumed so much more space in my life than i ever thought possible. i can’t look people in the eye when i walk down the street. i just cover my face in hair and look down and keep walking. i feel like an ugly duckling. i don’t even know how my boyfriend wants to kiss me with this beard of acne i’ve grown. i don’t know what to do, i feel completely hopeless.